The role of phones in divorce

A common cause of divorce is the use of a phone to build a relationship with someone outside of the marriage. While adultery has traditionally been a leading cause of divorce, mobile phones have made extramarital encounters considerably more accessible.

In certain instances, social networking sites, texting, and messaging applications can facilitate emotional and physical relationships.

At the push of a button, it is possible to converse privately with virtually anybody. Some find it difficult to turn down the chance to reconnect with someone from their past, revive an old relationship, or strike up a chat with a new acquaintance.

A 2023 survey suggests that British individuals spend an average of 3 hours and 15 minutes each day on their phones. So, it is easy to understand how internet relationships can frequently be concealed in plain sight.

Even if you are unaware of the term, you have likely phubbed someone. Phubbing, also known as “phone snubbing,” occurs when we are so engrossed in our phones that we disregard the people we are with.

In contrast to other pursuits such as reading and watching television, phones are unusually engrossing. We may unwittingly “phub” our loved ones, but this behaviour may have real-world implications for relationships.

It might be painful to choose to use your phone instead of giving your lover your whole attention. It can diminish closeness and destroy your relationship. Over time, it might have a negative effect on your relationship with your spouse.

In partnerships, feeling lonely when their spouse is using their phone is a typical occurrence. When your spouse is immersed in their phone, it might feel as if a wall has been erected between you two.

A partner’s excessive phone use might cause one to feel neglected, underappreciated, isolated, and lonely.

Taking a break from challenging interactions might give an opportunity for reflection. Yet, using one’s phone to avoid or postpone conflict might make one appear impolite, dismissive, and possibly aggressive.

Few of us take pleasure in “we need to speak” conversations. Yet, burying your head in the sand by going for your phone while you or your spouse are unhappy would certainly hinder your capacity to properly address the situation.

Excessive phone use diverts care and attention away from a relationship and face-to-face interactions, diminishing communication and emotional intimacy.

Frequently checking one’s phone whilst in the company of another person demonstrates a lack of attention and consideration.

Simply put, time spent on the phone is time spent away from loved ones. Eventually, you may realise that you use your phone when you might be spending time with your partner.

Tech abuse, often known as the use of mobile phones to monitor and ‘spy’ on a spouse, is a growing concern in domestic violence cases.

In rare instances, a partner who is abusive may install spyware or monitoring applications on their partner’s phone in order to monitor their actions. Tech abuse is a major breach of privacy and trust and is frequently paired with other types of domestic abuse.

Constant notifications, texts, and social media interruptions can detract from quality time spent with a spouse.

In addition, using a smartphone during an argument or dispute can exacerbate the situation, leading to increased stress and animosity between partners.

Due to the convenience of social media and messaging applications, ongoing confrontations can easily spill over into public forums.

If you are concerned about your partner’s excessive phone usage, it is essential to have an open and frank discussion with them. Choose a time when distractions are minimal, and if necessary, urge your spouse to put their phone away.

Begin by sharing your views and worries in a non-judgmental manner and be detailed about the problematic behaviours and how they make you feel.

It is possible that your partner’s phone usage does not represent how they feel about you. They may be attempting to multitask, responding to job pressure, or have established the habit of continuously checking their phones.

Consider their perspective and seek a solution that benefits both of you.

Take some time to reflect on your personal phone usage and be truthful. Changing your phone usage patterns may be something you can tackle together.

Address the discussion with empathy and a willingness to collaborate to find a solution.